What is Self Care and Why Do I Need It, Anyway?

One sunny day a neighbor and I ambled in the driveway a minute as our kids played. We chatted about our kids, husbands, and being overloaded. “Maybe you need a break?” I offered, siding with her gripes of feeling overwhelmed. Then the conversation took an unexpected turn.

“Why does everyone tell me I need a break? What am I supposed to do and where am I supposed to go for a break?!” she demanded. Unphased, I continued, “Well, what do you love to do that you don’t usually get to?” She continued to simmer, “I’ve been raising kids for the past 5 years, I don’t know what I want to do! Is there a list of things I can choose from? I couldn’t find time to do it even if I did know!”

My neighbor’s defensive reaction to taking a break is not unusual. The core of the conversation reflects our ambivalence and resistance to taking care of ourselves. Other than the occasional nap it’s not a priority, it’s a dream. But when taking a break becomes a luxury, we don’t serve our families well.

This article will be a FAQ sheet on rethinking self care.

What is self care?
Self care is the art and skill of giving to oneself in a way that refreshes, sustains, and strengthens. It is designed to re-create a person’s perspective, energy and/or It’s purpose is to strengthen the person so they can excel at caring for others, excelling at work, or otherwise engaging life well.

What do I do to care for myself?
That just depends on you. Meet physical needs first – are you hungry? Tired? Have you showered in the past 24 hrs.? Next, focus on emotional needs, then mental and creative needs/outlets. Maybe beginning a hobby, or taking a class are ways that recharge you. The ways moms feel regenerated are unique and varied.

How do I know if I need it?
If you’re feeling grumpy, tired, apathetic, bored, or a host of other feelings that interfere in some way with caring for your family and/or excelling at work, then it’s time to tend to yourself.

Isn’t self care selfish?
Although self care does include the word “self”, it is far from selfish. It’s meeting needs for someone (themselves) so they can recharge because they are worn out. A person who values their limits enough to care for themselves is one who wants to give well to the world around them.

Later that evening I drove by neighbors house on the way to personal time at a coffee shop. She was pulling weeds and her husband was inside watching TV. “Want to come?” I asked. She barely looked up, “No, this has to be done. If I don’t, no one else will.”

I pressed on, “No one else can go to the coffee shop for you either. Isn’t that more important than weeds?” She smiled a little and said, “Maybe next time.”
©2011 The Mom Whisperer

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